Would it be wrong of me to say
that at the present moment I really, really dislike my partner? Okay, so just
reading that, yes it sounds horrible, wrong and plain nasty but it’s not like
that… I don’t think anyhow…
Last night, whilst I was wrapping
up Christmas presents on the floor, he said to me – out of the blue – ‘you look
really fat. If that was just you it would put me off of you in an
instant and I’d never be with you now’. I stared at him, opened mouthed at this
comment, he sure knew how to make a girl feel special. Not. He interpreted my
face correctly and then added ‘But as you’re pregnant it’s different’
Different how exactly? My body is
still growing and expanding and when this baby is born I’m going to be left
with saggy skin and it will most likely look like a ‘hang over’ which he’s told
me from day one is the one thing which would end a relationship for him or ever
prevent him starting one. When I said to him that chances are I will have a
hangover he just said ‘Well, you can go to the gym then all the time when she’s
born then’
He sure makes that sound easy
with a toddler and a newborn to care for. And I’m not missing out on important
and sentimental milestones with either of my babies just to please him.
Am I looking too much into this
though? Is it because I’m classed as depressed that his comments are eating away
at me and just leaving me a constant sour mood? Because from what he said last
night, to me, it sounds as though he’s not attracted to me anymore and is
sticking it out because he hopes I will get my body back into shape after the
birth. Or is that just how I’m seeing it? I really don’t know what else to
think at this moment in time to be honest and I don’t quite know how or if I
have the courage to turn around and tell him how he’s made me feel and what I
think he meant by his comments… I know I should just bite the bullet and ask
him outright so I can work on being happy and not let one comment get out of
hand like it’s beginning too; but it’s just never that easy.. Is it?
Please, let me know what you think? Thoughts would be much appreciated, thanks. Maria x
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